The One Where Elliott Freaks Out

The other night, we heard a commotion on the roof while we were watching The Voice. Our neighborhood has its own feral cat colony, and Elliott loves it when Roof Kitty comes out to play, but the other night it sounded like the whole colony was having one big dance party on the roof. Elliott spent like an hour staring at the skylight.

After the banging and scratching had gone on for like 30 minutes, Matt went outside with a flashlight to see what was up there — cats usually are not entertained for such long periods of time — and said that he thought he saw one cat up there (though he later informed me that its tail was awfully poofy for a cat).

So we ignored the scritching and started to get ready for bed, when the noise started to seem to get closer. The chimney flue runs right next to our bedroom wall, and I thought, "Oh no, one of the cats has fallen into the chimney!" So we went downstairs to explore, and that's when we realized that the scratching was coming from inside the walls. And it was moving. Elliott followed it all around the kitchen as it ran along the inside of the ceiling.

MOM! THERE'S SOMETHING UP THERE, MOM!

Matt hauled a ladder out to the balcony to see if he could see anything, and that's when he realized there was a giant hole in the siding around our chimney. (Not the section we replaced.) So it would have been easy for an animal to get in next to the fireplace and crawl around in the walls.

(Taken the next day.)

By this time, it was around midnight, and neither Matt nor I wanted to go to sleep. We weren't even sure we wanted to stay in our house, because I had visions of rabid animals busting through the sheetrock and getting Elliott. We were both on our computers, looking up what options we had for animal removal, and trying to figure out what kind of animal it was. (Based on the noises and this website's description of animal noises, I'm pretty sure we had a raccoon.) Eventually, we heard it scamper upward through the chimney, and didn't hear any more noises afterward, so we assumed it had gone.

So we did the only thing we could think of: we called Matt's parents. And not only were they nice enough to answer the phone at midnight, but they came out the next day to help us replace the siding on the chimney so we don't have any more crazy animal escapades. And luckily Matt still had a few sheets of siding left over from our last project, so we completed this one relatively quickly. (Painted the siding, used the old piece as a template to cut the new piece, nailed the new piece up and then caulked and painted the whole chimney since that needed to get done anyway.)

TAKE THAT, RACCOON.

Have you ever gone up on your roof? Sorry that's a lame question, but I don't have a better one. (And my answer is hellz no, I am scared of tumbling off and breaking my head. I let Matt do all the hard work while I painted siding in the front yard. And reminded him frequently not to fall.)

Dear Ian Kinsler

The other night, Matt and I were watching MasterChef, and both of us had our phones out. I was Candy Crushin', and I thought he was doing something for work, when ...

"Babe?"

He said it in that tone of voice he adopts when I've been slacking on my half of the household chores. I fully expected him to follow up with, "Could you please rinse your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher?" or "Could you please put the sheets back on the bed after you've washed them?"

"Babe? Could you please write a letter to Ian Kinsler? Tell him your husband would be so happy if the Rangers could get it together and make the playoffs."

I thought this was hilarious, because I fully expected to have a serious conversation. I didn't expect to talk about his disappointment that his Texas Rangers had lost their last several baseball games and had pretty much wrecked their chance at making the playoffs. But the funny thing to me was that he didn't want me to write to the Rangers' manager or owner, or anyone with any clout. No, he wanted me to write to his favorite player.

I told him that I would be happy to write a letter if he could get me Ian Kinsler's address. But since I'm pretty sure baseball teams don't give out players' addresses to random fans, e-mail or otherwise, I figured I'd just write my letter here.

—————

Dear Ian Kinsler,

My husband, Matt, is a big fan of the Rangers, and a big fan of yours as well. He watches as many games as he can, and when we're able to get to the Ballpark in Arlington from our home in College Station, we make the trip. When he can't get his baseball fix, he plays Wii baseball, where he has little Miis with the likenesses of you and a few other players (former Rangers players Josh Hamilton and Michael Young, for example). But I promise he's not a crazy fan. He has just loved this team since he was a little kid, and takes it really hard when they're not doing so well.

Mr. Kinsler, I implore you to encourage your teammates to play the best they can in their next series. My family's sanity depends on the Rangers making the playoffs. My husband has already decided that our cat, Elliott, will henceforth be called "Ranger" until such time as the Rangers make the playoffs. He now uses the names interchangeably, and our poor cat has no idea what's going on. I would like to be able to continue to call her "Elliott," and I would like to prevent my husband from moping around all winter until spring training starts. Please do the best you can to get the Rangers out of their slump and start winning again.

Sincerely,

Allie and Elliott/Ranger

If there are no peanuts or Cracker Jacks to be had, she'll settle for a mid-game yogurt.

Do you have a favorite sports team? What's the craziest thing you've ever done to show your team spirit?

Friday Fluff: Office Edition

Elliott likes to be on my desk when I'm working.

It's quite inconvenient to work when she's laying on my documents or my keyboard. If I'm going to work like a boss, I can't have her bothering me all day.

Then I saw this meme on Facebook, and was struck with inspiration.

So now Elliott has her own "inbox" and we are both more productive employees.

Janitorial services.

Security detail.

Creative brainstorming session.

Do your pets like to get in the way?

Friday Fluff: Newspaper Day

Sunday is Elliott's favorite day. Sunday is the only day we get the newspaper, and that's the day when her momma goes through and clips all the coupons.

She likes it because it means burrowing under the discarded pages, until it's time for her momma to recycle them.

What is your pet's favorite activity?

Baby, It's Cold Outside

But Matt's laptop is so nice and waaaarm.

(Also, Matt made fun of me for making up a cat-themed version of "The 12 Days of Christmas," but then later I caught him singing a cat-themed "Deck the Halls." Does anyone else make up songs for their pets?)

Friday Fluff: Vampire Cat

Or, "I've got too many cat photos on my phone and I need to dump them somewhere." Happy Friday!

Matt asks me all the time how I ever get any work done when my cat is around all day. That's a good question; I don't know.

Every morning, the second I'm awake and downstairs, she demands attention, and if I don't provide it in the proper quantities, she bites me. Then, whenever I get on the computer to get things done, she either starts walking on the keyboard or she bites me.

I'm getting tired of being bitten all the time when I'm just trying to earn enough money to put food in her bowl.

Sometimes I lock her out of my office for a respite. Usually by the time I let her back in, she's grown weary of drawing blood and takes up her place on the corner of the bed. When she's in here and not biting me, she is adorable.

And when she's being adorable, I'm probably taking pictures of her.

It's a tough life.

But it's okay, because I bug her every time she tries to take an afternoon nap. I don't know how she ever gets any naps in when I'm around all day.

Marital Duties

Haaaa not like that. :) I'm talking about cleaning the house.

Matt and I are both fairly clean people. We get overwhelmed if there is too much clutter in the house or on any given surface, and just generally feel better when the house is tidy. I'll admit, I tend to clean when specific things are bothering me; Matt does a more general clean-sweep of the house in regular intervals.

For a while I felt bad about this unofficial arrangement, because Matt would get the urge to clean, and I would be sitting around reading or something. When I'd ask if he would like help, he would say no. So I felt like a bum.

The real bum. I tell her often she needs to contribute, but she thinks that means "more fur tumbleweeds and revenge-puking!" 

Thank goodness she's cute.

But what was funny is that for all the time Matt spent cleaning various things, I felt like he never noticed when I cleaned, and therefore I was convinced that he thought he did all the work.

Turns out, he couldn't actually see the chores I do. Matt has ridiculously bad eyesight; if he's not wearing his glasses, chances are good that you're just a blob of color to him. Even with his glasses, his eyesight fluctuates from day to day, depending on his blood sugar levels. So I don't know what I was thinking, expecting him to notice soap scum in the bottom of our shower or dust along the baseboards. (Or lack thereof, once I'd removed it.) Those are things he would never think to clean, because he'd never notice they needed it in the first place.

Now that I know this about him, the way we work together makes a lot more sense. I'm happy to let him do dishes and Swiffer the floors and other big-scheme tasks, while I do the smaller tasks he might not notice, like dusting the fans and vacuuming the stairs.

Together, we make a pretty good team, and our house is usually not too embarrassing. (You know, as long as we have like 30 minutes' notice before people stop by. Elliott's litter and food are in the downstairs bathroom, and it's impossible for us to keep that room clean for more than 24 hours.)

Who does the cleaning in your house? Do you and your partner have different cleaning styles?

Less Things For Cats to Break

When I lived in my first apartment, I lived with a roommate and her cat, Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy was a very sweet kitty, and he liked to look out the windows. When we moved out of that apartment, most of the blinds in my room (and probably hers too) were broken from where he had climbed through them to look out the window. Like a bad tenant, I raised the blinds up as high as they would go so you couldn't see the damage, and prayed the landlord wouldn't lower them and notice.

Elliott also likes to look out the window. Let's just say, the blinds in both our downstairs bathroom and living room had seen better days.

I guess Matt got tired of looking at the mangled miniblinds, because a few weekends ago he decided it was time to replace all the thin metal ones in our house with sturdy faux-wood blinds. He took down all the curtains and removed the old blinds and installed new ones. It didn't take very long.

Elliott saw the opportunity to help. I also offered, but Matt assured me this was a one-man (and one-cat) job.

They're super sturdy now. Much more cat-proof! And much nicer-looking to boot. :)

It's hard to take pictures of windows.

Does your significant other take on aesthetic home-decor projects or stick to functional ones? Do your pets break things?

Definitely a Shoe Gal

Like momma, like cat.

I swear I did nothing to make this picture happen. She fell asleep in my shoes all on her own, after spending ten minutes rubbing her face on them.

Good girl.

Friday Fluff: Must Lay On All The Things

On Tuesday, I invited some friends over for a movie and craft night. My friend Sara was working on a scrapbook-type project, and brought over her bin of supplies. Elliott spent about three hours laying in that bucket amidst all the bows and papers. She loved it.

My own project was quite a large undertaking, and I am not quite finished yet. I am finally — FINALLY! — framing our wedding photos and arranging a gallery wall over the stairs. I'd been purchasing cheap frames from Goodwill with the intention of painting them, and all my frames had been sitting around untouched for months. So I made it my goal for the evening to get all the frames painted and re-assembled. I'll be posting about that as soon as I get all the frames level on the wall, since right now it looks like something that should be in the Burrow and not in a house lived in by regular Muggles.

What projects have you been working on lately?

Instagram

I know I'm way behind the times, but I just got Instagram on my phone last week. It took me a few days to figure it out, because I'm slow, and also because I'm a photo purist. I've been a scrapbooker all my life, and I like to remember things as they are, so why would I want to alter a perfectly good photo to look like it was taken in the '70s or whenever? Especially if you can never get that moment back to its non-'70s original?

Then I figured out I could apply filters to the photos I'd already taken without destroying the originals. And then I liked Instagram better.

While I was figuring it out, I took a bunch of pictures of my cat. I'm sure you're not surprised.

What technology has it taken you a while to get on board with?

Trouble with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "E" and that stands for "Elliott."

Sometimes Elliott is a lot of trouble. Like when she uses hairballs as revenge. Or how she always tries to get outside whenever we open an exterior door so she can eat the plants. Or how her favorite game is waiting for us to open our bedroom door so she can rush in and hide under the bed, even though she's not allowed in there. Or when she plays with her water bowl instead of drinking out of it.

But then she does something really adorable, like crawl underneath the pillows on the couch, or burrow under a blanket with me, or try to get inside a box that is clearly too small for her ... and it makes up for all the trouble she gets in.

What's the most adorable thing your pet does?

Learning Through Osmosis

The other day, Elliott fell asleep on top of one of Matt's aerodynamics textbooks.

And I got to thinking about how back in middle school, when I hadn't studied for a test, I totally tried to fall asleep with my book under my pillow, thinking I could just absorb the information overnight.

Have you ever tried to learn through osmosis?

Elliott's Everyday Adventures

I think maybe I need to rename my blog. My cat has more freakin' adventures than I do.

Husband plays the drums for our church band. Last night was our annual Hymn Sing, where church choirs all over the region get together and put on a concert for all the other choirs. He was asked to play djembe during our church's performance, so he brought home the drum after services.

We turned it upside down because it had a cord handle attached to the rim, and Elliott has a habit of chewing up things like fabric and string. I was sitting on the couch when I heard this whump noise that sounded like someone had smacked the drum. I got up and looked inside the djembe ...

... and spied a kitty-boo getting up to no good. Silly kitty.

Are your pets curious about new things?

Roof Kitty

This morning, Elliott spotted another kitty taking a bath on our living room skylight. She howled at the ceiling for a couple of minutes before Roof Kitty took off, then she howled for another 10 minutes, perhaps hoping that Roof Kitty would come back. Elliott kept running up and down the stairs to try to get closer to Roof Kitty, and then when that didn't work, she tried to climb the side of the fireplace.

Do your pets freak out when they see other animals?

My Cat is an Omnivore.

Every time we open our back door, my kitty-boo Elliott runs outside. We would be afraid of losing her, except that she is naturally prone to eating plants, and as soon as she gets two steps out the door she gets distracted by the plants around our porch and starts chomping on them.

I find this hilarious, except for the fact that plants don't agree with Elliott's tummy, and I get to clean up after her every time she ralphs. (Which is often.)

So yesterday I went to the grocery store and brought home three paper bags worth. Two of them were on the floor, and I was unloading the third on the counter. I heard a rustling and saw that Elliott had stuck her head in one of the bags. No surprise there, she also likes crawling inside paper bags.

Proof.

So I paid no attention and went back to unloading groceries, until I finished that bag and reached down for the one she has her head in.

At the top of the bag was a head of green-leaf lettuce. And Elliott was munching away. There was a section where you could tell her little kitty teeth had been. I was laughing my head off as I stuck the lettuce in the fridge.

I thought cats were supposed to be carnivorous.

Do your pets like weird food?