Friday, June 14, 2013

Weird Things Happen to Me at the Grocery Store

I always have the most interesting experiences at the grocery store. Mainly because every shopper brings their 10 kids along with them when they shop on this side of town, but occasionally for other reasons.

Like the other day. As I was walking out with my reusable bags, the guy who happened to park next to me came out at the same time. He seemed like a nice enough man, as we'd had a brief encounter a few minutes earlier as I was trying to empty my cart. He was well-dressed and his car was this little Mercedes coupe. I was loading the trunk of my humble, crumbling Honda, when:

"I like your handbag."

You know the one.

"Thank you!" I said.

"My wife loves that color. I'm tempted to just steal yours."

I didn't figure criminals usually tell you when they're going to steal your stuff, so I just laughed and told him where I got it, and suggested he could go get her one just like it if he wanted. Then I got in my car and drove away.

Thanks for not robbing me, Mr. Mercedes Man!

Of course, it probably would have been karmic if he had, since I did cut some other guy off twice while I was trying to get in the checkout line. But he started it by trying to cut in line in the first place. So the moral of the story is, don't piss me off at the grocery store, because I am weirdly competitive there. Once, I fought an old guy for the cheapest chicken thighs on the shelf.* He was standing there thinking about which ones he wanted and I swooped around him and grabbed the ones that were $4.73, then hauled ass out of the meat section.

*There wasn't really a fight.


  1. Hahaha. I'll make sure to give you a wide berth at the grocery store. I'd hate for you to nab the last carton of strawberries (or something equally as horrific). ;)

  2. Grocery stores are not for the faint of heart, I swear they bring out the worst in me :)