Monday, July 28, 2014

Truthiness

I was MIA a lot of the last couple weeks. Part of it was just being busy. Part of it was not having anything of interest to say. Part of it was that I was out of town, going camping in Garner State Park with Matt's family.

Camping selfie!

But to be honest, most of my mental space over the last few weeks has been taken up by preparing to start a new job.

I haven't worked in an actual office in more than two and a half years. But last week, I woke up and got dressed to go to work at a place in which my cat cannot be considered a co-worker. (She's not thrilled that I've abandoned her during the daytime.)

I am no longer self-employed full-time. In June, Matt and I finally determined that my running my own business just wasn't working anymore. It wasn't a single conversation we had in a state of panic; rather, I'd been struggling with my (in)ability to deal with the stress for a long time. I was asking every month if "this is it" when it came to my business, the month where it no longer made sense for us to keep at it. Matt saw that I wasn't happy anymore. A friend commented one day that I looked like I was disappearing. I was spending more time looking for work than actually doing the work I loved. Matt and I spent so much time talking about his job search that my world had become centered around it, and I was constantly freaking out because there was just too much about my life that I couldn't control.

So when I received an offer for a full-time job? I took it. And I cried a little when I told my family that I couldn't deal with being self-employed anymore. I was heartbroken at the idea of not working for myself anymore.

But since we're being all truthful and stuff, I am so relieved that I don't have to work for myself anymore.

I'm excited to have something to wake up for in the morning again. For someone else to deal with the logistics of how to run a business. I'm excited to have a reason to get dressed up and leave the house and be around other people. About doing something that makes me feel good about myself again. I'm excited to focus for real on something other than Matt, instead of just telling people I'm tired of talking about him and then not being able to talk of anything else.

I'm excited for breakfast taco Fridays and a steady paycheck. I'm excited because, despite this job being totally unrelated to marketing or advertising, on my second day I got to spend the afternoon working on a design project. I'm excited that I'm working with people who understand that we all have gifts and skills that we can contribute.

I'm okay. More than okay. I'm putting down roots. There's a very real chance that I will have to rip them up again, if and when Matt finds a job somewhere else. But this is the most solid and sturdy I've felt in a long time. I needed that more than I knew.

And I'm ready to bloom.

17 comments

  1. Yay, congratulations! I'm thrilled for you! It's so important to have something all your own, and this sounds perfect!

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  2. Katie @ A Beautiful Little AdvJuly 28, 2014 at 11:50 AM

    Congrats on the new job and your happiness!!! I'm so glad you have somewhere/something that you look forward to going/doing. That's so hard to come by these days. From someone who is also self employed I know how big of a bitch all the paperwork, taxes, and being held responsible for everything can be. Wohoo for you!!!

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  3. Congratulations on the new job!! It's so good to be able to realize it when what you're doing is making you unhappy. Good for you for finding ways to solve that problem! And breakfast taco Fridays? Yes please :-)

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  4. I'm so happy for you! And having sort of worked for myself last year during my forced retirement, I completely understand the stress of not having a steady paycheck. This sounds like the perfect thing for you right now.

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  5. UGH the TAXES. I have a scheduled freakout every quarter.

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  6. On the other hand, Matt is now unhappy that I get breakfast tacos and he doesn't. :)

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  7. Just gonna throw it out there … I got the best blog friends. :) Thank you so much for your support!

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  8. Congratulations! Freedom and free time is the best gift of all! :)

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  9. Congratulations! I've been thinking of making the opposite move after 15 years in a 9-5 job. I LOVE the office, though. I totally understand the move back. Best wishes for a transition!

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  10. You know, I don't think we hear this side of the self-employment story nearly often enough. And the way you're expressing it, focusing on the positives as you are, is exactly the reassurance that folks need, I think! Sometimes it doesn't work out, either personality-wise or money-wise, and it's okay to do what you need to do, not just to keep the bills paid but for your own sanity. Good luck at the new job and enjoy!

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  11. Good for you! There are definite costs and benefits to working for someone else versus working for yourself, and it's so healthy and reasonable to oscillate between the two! I hope this brings you the stability you need for now :)

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  12. Good luck in your transition too! I know being self-employed is a great option for a lot of people, and I hope you love it!

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  13. Thanks. I try to be really honest about my experiences, even if they're not pretty. And you're right, sometimes you just need a change, for whatever reason. I'm glad to have some positives to focus on!

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  14. It really sounds like this is an awesome path for you! Enjoy!

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  15. Sounds like such a positive change!! I'm so happy for you! :)

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  16. It's really amazing how important coworkers and getting ready every morning (and breakfast taco Fridays) are to mental health. I'm so, so happy for you! Enjoy!

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  17. You would be an asset anywhere, Allie.

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