It filled me with an unexpected RAGE. Not at the person who posted it (the pasta looked amazing!), but at our collective GUILT, whether implied or real.
Ladies, why do we feel like we need to justify eating? I don't think the average man feels guilty for eating a bowl of pasta; he just eats his pasta and maybe gets seconds if he's still hungry. But I've noticed that women, in general, feel like we need to make excuses for the things we consume — tee hee, a few bites of cake! we're so bad! — and that makes me SO angry.
I was at lunch recently with some lady friends. I decided I was going to have a personal-size mushroom and spinach pizza. The last time I was at this restaurant I ordered it, and it was delicious: ricotta cheese, glazed brussels sprouts, mushrooms and wilted spinach with mozzarella on top. YUM. As I set down my menu, the ladies I was lunching with had a conversation about whether or not to be "bad" and order the veggie sandwich instead of a salad.
The conversation did not make sense to me at all. On what planet is a sandwich loaded with eggplant and zucchini bad for you? Do we really need to justify consuming things that are not salad?
I am ashamed that I did; I had just come from tap class, and I used it as an excuse for eating what I wanted. I would have ordered the pizza either way, because that's what I wanted, but I hate that I pretended to feel guilt — the guilt that makes other women feel bad about themselves too — to fit in, and I won't do it again.
I refuse to apologize for my vegetarian pizza. I ate every last bite. And I suppose it's possible that someone judged me for it, and that is sick.
I am not a nutritionist, nor a health expert. But I am a believer in being good to your body. I am NOT a believer in deprivation.
When I was a kid, I saw an ad in a teen magazine, and it has stuck with me all these years. It was a black and white photo of a young Melissa Joan Hart eating a drippy ice cream cone. The copy read:
"Eat what you want, when you are truly hungry. Stop when you get full. And eat exactly what appeals to you. Do this instead of any diet, and you are unlikely to ever develop a weight problem, much less an eating disorder."
I wish I could find the ad, because it represented something really powerful that has stayed with me. I won't apologize for eating exactly what I want.
I won't apologize for eating. Or consuming. Or existing.
I do not need to justify eating a veggie sandwich. I will not feel bad for eating a bowl of pasta. I will not feel "better" about myself for choosing salad when salad is what I want. And I will not judge anyone for ordering something besides lettuce.
Eat what you want. No apologies.
I really, really love this post. I used to have an eating disorder (I hate saying "used to" when I still feel like I have flawed ways of eating, but I guess it's "getting better") and now hearing things like what was captioned in your picture sort of hurts me more than it empowers me. There's nothing wrong with eating what you love alongside what you need! Besides, if there's chocolate in life, then surely we were meant to eat it. :D
ReplyDeleteI really hope that I didn't offend or hurt you, and if I did, I apologize. More than anything I'm concerned about how we judge others for choices that don't affect us at all, and I wanted to bring that to light.
DeleteI remember that Melissa Joan Hart ad! I remember thinking it was very wise but also, where do you draw the line if what I WANT to eat is always ice cream? hahaha
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is that people, especially women, think they'll be judged if they look less than perfect and are seen eating something unhealthy. We feel like people are watching us and saying "Well maybe she wouldn't look like that if she stopped eating junk food." Everyone splurges from time to time, but heavier women aren't "allowed" to do it publicly without acknowledging that they're being "bad" or pointing out why they "deserve" it.
Great post :)
Haha, I know! Ice cream for dinner? Done.
DeleteI'm also not a fan of body shaming, which goes hand in hand with this issue for me. Yeah, I could say, "she wouldn't look like that if she didn't eat junk food," but that isn't always true, and I won't participate in that kind of talk either. There are WAY too many factors that can affect how big or small a person is: genetics, eating disorders, health problems, etc. My hope is that we can get to a point someday in which a woman — any woman, of any size — can order the meal she wants and not feel like she HAS to say a single thing to any of her eating companions.
This is a really good post. I've definitely noticed this mindset in my comings and goings, and as someone in their mid-30s, I also notice a lot of women trying to look a certain way as they begin to get older. I've always maintained an "all things in moderation" approach to eating. I definitely think I'm trying to eat healthier and find better options when eating out as I get older, but I would never feel guilty for eating something in public.
ReplyDeleteI think that's fine if you want to be healthful and eat healthy things; I know this post doesn't sound like it, but I really do enjoy most healthy foods! I just don't think anyone should feel pressured to order healthfully just because other people are!
DeleteYes! Really love this! As soon as I deprive myself of anything, I lose. Also when I look at food as a reward, comfort, or something I deserve. Why give it so much power?! "All things in moderation" is the key. I will never be able to give up chocolate, ice cream, cheese, and pretzels. We shouldn't. Just mix them in at a healthy dose with our fruits and veggies. Life's too short to worry about this so much.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Even eating healthfully shouldn't be about deprivation!
DeleteI love this. I am not apologetic for what I eat. And I don't eat the best things all the time, but everything in moderation, and I will always ALWAYS choose pizza over salad. Kudos.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are lots of us that don't eat the best *all* the time. I do love pizza and ice cream, but also broccoli and peas, and all sorts of things! So I eat what I want, and I don't worry about it. It's impossible to live up to other people's standards of what we "should" be eating, so why do we still try?
DeletePreach it! Totally agree. This is what I do usually... Eat what I want, stop when I'm full. Do I devour a few too many cupcakes sometimes? Yes. But it's okay. Good reminder.
ReplyDeleteI think it's silly to apologize for eating a lot! I think I'm guilty of the opposite - I always joke that I eat a lot and how funny that is. Truthfully we should just not even make an issue about food. Eat until you're full and move on!
ReplyDelete