I've never considered myself to be a person that is "good with children." I got CPR-certified at age 11 so I could babysit, but I don't think I was a very good babysitter. The families that never hired me a second time would probably agree. Not that I was bad with children, I just ... didn't understand how to interact with them. Even as a kid I didn't interact well with kids.
I've always been scared of the idea of having children of my own. I am afraid I won't know how to interact with them. I'm afraid I won't know what they want or how to make them happy, that I'll say or do the wrong things and they'll grow up to be bad people. I'm afraid that I won't know how to deal with them if they have behavioral problems.
I could say this whole thing is Future Allie's problem, but let's be honest. Future Allie is probably still freaked.
Last week, my church hosted a summer Vacation Bible School for kids from pre-K to fifth grades, and I volunteered to help. I was assigned to be the recreation leader, so I spent the week leading the kids in rousing games of Follow the Leader and Jesus-Jesus-John the Baptist (Duck-Duck-Goose). I think, objectively, I did a decent job; I enjoyed playing games with the kids, and I felt like I became more comfortable as the week went on and I figured out what to expect and how to plan activities around the kids' capabilities.
My friend Katherine is a kindergarten teacher, and she was also helping out with the very youngest children. And oh goodness, seeing her in action with those kids ... she was amazing. Some of the tricks she used to get them to be quiet — Simon Says!? — I would have never thought to do. Watching her helped me become more comfortable with all the groups of kids, because I could see how they reacted when she spoke to them in ways they could understand. I never had any little cousins or babies in my family, and I never learned how one should interact with them. It was eye-opening.
I think it's going to be a long time before I'm totally comfortable with kids, but with several friends becoming new mommas in the next few months, I hope that it gets easier as I continue interacting with little ones. I've heard ease comes with experience, and I hope that's the truth.
Experience really really helps :) I've never ever been a "baby" person... love kids of all ages, but not babies. So that was a hurdle I had to get over, and you know what, I did. :)
ReplyDeleteNot that I've ever had much experience with babies either, but babies seem less intimidating to me! I'm glad to hear it gets easier!
DeleteCrazy suggestion - if you're that scared of kids, why have them?
ReplyDeleteKids have always made me uncomfortable, I never ever babysat, I am scared to death of the thought of giving birth... I don't feel the need to try. People talk about the pressure of the WIC, but the reproductive pressure is even worse! Don't give in if you don't want to.
Interesting comment Heather, you got me thinking. I totally get your point, and often feel the same way, though thankfully there has not been any pressure one way or another.
DeleteWhat I've come to conclude is that there will never be a time in my life where I will not have to interact with children; we are at the age where many of our friends are having children, our extended families are beginning to expand their own families, and we are often in situations in which children are present. Whether or not we choose to have our own will not make these situations go away. Despite my discomfort with children at this point in my life, I don't want to miss out on the memories and lives of family and friends because I feel awkward. I would rather learn to interact with them, and then make my decisions at a time when I feel more comfortable with the whole thing.
Kids are 100000 times less awkward than adults imo. What is hard is interacting with a child while their parent is there. I always feel the pressure of saying or doing the wrong thing in the parents eyes to offend them. With your own kids, you don't have to worry about that!
ReplyDeleteJust remember, kids are super resilient. You don't need feel like a super role-model; show them how to be human, enjoy life and what mistakes are if you make them.
Also, I could never see you being anything but a great mother. I'm pretty sure you will read any future ones 10 bedtime stories every night and take them on fun excursions (like the blue bell factory!) all the time.
Thank you, Jess, this was such a sweet post. Good advice!
DeleteI think this is normal. I feel the same. My best friend is having a baby in February so I'm going to see how I feel around her little one. I would like to think I'll feel fully ready in a couple of years or so.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, im super awkward around other peoples kids! Kids in my own family though im much more comfortable playing/babysitting. It doesn't help that whenever I interact with a child the parents are like, "you're next! When are you having children?" if I avoid kids I avoid pressure! Hahaha!
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