Before our wedding, I heard over and over again, "The second the wedding is over, people are going to start asking you when you're going to have kids." I had ample time to prep for the day that the questions would start. I even thought of snarky responses, because even though Matt and I want to have kids someday way in the future, it's really not anyone's business. (Babies are scary. They're like tiny velociraptors, we've decided.)
The wedding came and went, and I kept expecting the questions to start. But they never came. Instead, we've heard from I-don't-know-how-many-people, "Enjoy being married for a few years first," "I'm not in a rush to become a great-grandparent," "Don't have kids," "We can wait to have grandkids," "I don't want to pressure you, because my mother-in-law pressured me," "You can wait a few years."
At first I was completely relieved by these comments. Yay, no one expects us to start punching 'em out immediately! But as they kept coming, I started to get annoyed. I don't think these comments are any better than ones pestering us to have children. "When are you going to have children" seems to imply that MY life isn't complete without them, while "We can wait" implies that OTHER PEOPLE's lives ARE complete without my having kids, and they don't want me to screw that up for them.
We'll operate on our own timetable and make our own decisions. Let's just not talk about kids until then.
Anybody else getting annoyed by others' comments about kids?
This post title is thanks to my friend Megan, who defines "baby rabies" as "that disease you get where you're so obsessed with babies, you're practically foaming at the mouth."
I cannot tell you how much I love this post. I've been feeling this way too, and I hadn't been able to articulate it until you just did. It kind of hurts that people vehemently DON'T want us to have kids yet. Even though we want to wait too. I guess there's no winning in the baby game.
ReplyDeleteI like the label. If someone asks when I want them I usually say "2 years ago..." I have had a bad case of baby rabies since I was a baby it seems. Or I say something about Chi graduating first. Everyone fully supports us waiting, something I don't want to hear.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. On one hand we have my grandfather who would love us to have kids, and on the other we have my husband's family who insist that we wait for ages...neither is very helpful. And Im the type of person who likes to be contrary so it makes me want to do the opposite of what they tell me...which results in a very confused me.
ReplyDeleteWe have a mix of comments as our core group of friends is split (half recently having kids, and the other half waiting) so it's not too bad for us. When people do ask, I normally tell them we have some other goals that we'd like to accomplish before bringing kids into the mix.
ReplyDeleteOur answer is that I married a man-child, and don't need another! And it isn't just me saying it, hubby was the first one to say it!
ReplyDeleteYes! My mom was SO vocally anti-baby when we got married that I was just like Sheesh! We'll make our own decisions, thank you! I don't even want kids soon, but hearing her be so adamantly against them left me wondering why it means so much to other people whether we have kids or not!
ReplyDelete@C'est Law Vie - Exactly! To everything you just said.
ReplyDelete@Heather - at least you both have a sense of humor about it!
@Megan - I'm not sure why other people care either. Good point.
I hear this all the time too...but at the end of the day i tell people that i will be ready when we are ready! Just tell them NONE of YOUR BUSINESS!
ReplyDeleteI am SO glad you posted this! I'm in the same exact situation! Everyone told me we'd get hassled about having kids after we got married, but it's been the opposite. And the fact that people are telling us NOT to kind of hurts my feelings. We definitely don't want to do it any time soon, but other people telling us we're not ready is just completely unnecessary and frankly, kind of mean!
ReplyDeleteWe were surprised to get the same type of comments once we got married! I wouldn't say that I'm hurt by them, since we don't plan to have kids anytime soon either, but it is totally weird and borderline creepy how vocal people are about other people's reproductive plans... or lack thereof. Very strange!
ReplyDelete